I didn't get to go
Because I told myself no,
So I didn't get to see you,
Sit with your silence,
Melt my nervous system,
And share unspoken words:
Our knees barely touching,
Just bare forearms,
Occasionally brushing knuckles
Or bumping elbows.
But always included,
Always joining in,
Always answering my fears 
Before they had slipped my mouth.
And always, always
Laughing at my jokes.

But I didn't go.
So I didn't say hello,
Or feel your warm embrace
Or the only kiss I will allow
When we say goodbye.